how to make people like you

Copyright ® 2000 by Nicholas Boothman

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be

reproduced—mechanically, electronically, or by any other

means, including photocopying—without written permission

of the publisher.

Published simultaneously in Canada by

Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Boothman, Nicholas

How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less/by Nicholas Boothman.

p. cm.

ISBN 0-7611-1940-X

1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.

BF637.C45 B655 2000

158.2—dc21 00-043236

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To Wendy, of course.

Acknowledgments

What a glorious piece of synchronicity. My beautiful

friend Kerry Nowensky, who commanded, "Write it down!

Now!" My guardian angel Dorothea Helms, who said, "It's

time to get yourself a great agent." My amazing agent

Sheree Bykofsky, who bombarded me with support and

commitment. The charismatic book publisher Peter

Workman, who brings all his sense to bear on a book and

surrounds himself with the finest talent to be found. And

just when you thought you've seen and heard it all, along

comes the astonishing Sally Kovalchick, who blows you

away with her ability to inhale a manuscript and exhale a

finished book.

I offer you all my heartfelt thanks. You are living

proof that other people are our greatest resource.

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The "secret" of success is not very hard to figure

out. The better you are at connecting with other

people, the better the quality of your life.

I first discovered the secrets of getting along with

people during my career as a fashion and advertising

photographer. Whether it was working with a single

model for a page in Vogue or 400 people aboard a ship to

promote a Norwegian cruise line, it was obvious that for

me photography was more about clicking with people

than about clicking with a camera. What's more, it didn't

matter if the shoot was taking place in the lobby of the

Ritz Hotel in San Francisco or a ramshackle hut on the

side of a mountain in Africa: the principles for establish￾ing rapport were universal.

For as long as I can remember, I have found it easy to

get along with people. Could it be a gift? Is there such a

thing as a natural talent for getting along with people, or

is it something we learn along the way? And if it can be

learned, can it be taught? I decided to find out.

I knew from 25 years of shooting still photographs

for magazines all over the world that attitude and body

language are paramount to creating a strong visual

impression—magazine ads have less than two seconds to

capture the reader's attention. I was also aware that there

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was a way of using body language and voice tone to make

perfect strangers feel comfortable and cooperative. My

third realization was that a few well-chosen words could

evoke expression, mood and action in almost any subject.

With these insights under my belt, I decided to look a lit￾tle deeper.

Why is it easier to get on with some people than with

others? Why can I have an interesting conversation with

a person I've just met, while someone else might dismiss

that same person as boring or threatening? Clearly,

something must be happening on a level beyond our

conscious awareness, but what is it?

It was at this point in my quest that I came across the

early work of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder at

UCLA in a subject with the unwieldy name of Neuro￾Linguistic Programming, NLP for short. Many of the

things I had been doing intuitively as a photographer,

these two men and their colleagues had documented

and analyzed as "the art and science of personal excel￾lence." Among a fountain of new insights, they revealed

that everyone has a "favorite sense." Find this sense and

you have the key to unlock a person's heart and mind.

As my new path became clearer, I set aside my cam￾eras and resolved to focus on how people work on the

inside as well as how they look on the outside. Over the

next few years, I studied with Dr. Bandler in London and

New York and earned a license as a Master Practitioner

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