outlinging essay 3 docx

There could be a comma after Instead at the

beginning of the fifth sentence. This comma may not

be necessary in some circumstances, but you are

changing the flow of thought here, and you want the

readers to know it.

Instead, you feel a sense of belonging.

The sixth sentence contains a compound sen￾tence that should be set off with a comma. The last

sentence could also use a comma to separate a long

clause from the main sentence, particularly since you

are once again switching gears. Lastly, don’t let the fact

that you’re almost done make you forget to put a

period at the end of the last sentence.

You are less distractd by cumparing your clothes to

others, so you are more apd to be relaxed and

queiter in school. This enables them to learn more.

Children might be happy with the school uniform

policy, but not as happy as their teachers and prin￾cipals.

Identity Disorder

Keep the same person throughout the essay: I and me

or you, or they and them. It is all right to address the

reader with a question, but the facts and statements

should match each other. In the paragraph below, the

subject of the first and third sentences is “children.”

You need to continue to talk about children in the

third person throughout the paragraph.

Not only are parents happy to see a uniform policy

in place, but their children benefit as well. If you

were poor, wouldn’t you feel bad if you were not

dressed as well as your peers? Children who dress

differently are usually alienated from cliques at

school and left to feel like outsiders. Often they are

teased unmercifully. Dressing in uniform eliminates

that problem. Instead, they feel a sense of belonging.

They are less distractd by cumparing their clothes to

others, so they are more apd to be relaxed and

queiter in school.

The second sentence is not talking about chil￾dren, but is addressing the reader, so it’s OK to use you

and your. The last two sentences talk about children,

not about the reader, so those sentences should use

they and their, not you and your.

Spelling Abnormality Disorder

You have to write quickly during the exam, but save a

couple of minutes at the end to check your work for

spelling errors. Often our minds go faster than our

pencils, and left alone, our pencils make a lot of mis￾takes. Too bad there are no perfect pencils in this

world! Did you find the misspelled words in the sec￾ond body paragraph on school uniforms?

They are less distractd by cumparing their clothes to

others so they are more apd to be relaxed and

queiter in school.

Let’s fix it:

They are less distracted by comparing their clothes

to others so they are more apt to be relaxed and

quieter in school.

Forked Tongue Disease

Be on the lookout for words or even sentences that

might have two different meanings. Now that we’ve

fixed the spelling errors in the sentence above, look

again to see how it might be confusing. Does the sen￾tence mean that comparing their clothes is less dis￾tracting? And what are they comparing their clothes

to? To other people? There are too many meanings for

this sentence. It needs to be revised.

–CBEST MINI-COURSE–

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