Giao tiếp thông minh và tài ứng xử

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DAO BANG - KHUAT QUANG H i

6IA 0 TIE P THON G MIN H

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Ngtfdi dich: TA NGOC AI

DAN G HtfN G K Y

NGUYE N QUOC BA O

NGUYE N MIN H HOAN G

N HA XUAT BAN VA N HOA - HONG TTM

THl/VIEN KHOAHOC KY THUAT

BUU BIEN

SOr .Vb. ^ . . .

PHU BAN:

I (J I NO I tiflU -> 5

J2d i no i id u

Cdch xd giao vd tdi an noi Id bdo boi thdnh cong

Ion nhdt. Cuon sdch nay nhit "bat gd tan cho giao tiep

vd noi ndng". Con ngifdi ta sau khi ditqc boi bo ve tint

than vd tinh cam, nhdt dinh se bdi Idng trong xd giao

vd noi ndng. Cho dii the gidi noi tdm cila ban co dep

den may cftng phdi mo td, dien dat bang lo'i noi. Cho

dii the gidi co r&ng Idn den ddu, neu biet an noi thong

minh, ban ci'ing co the di khdp thien ha. Tuy sdch noi

ve vdn de xd giao", "tdi ihig xil" Iran ngqp tren cdc

gid sdch; nhitng vdn hy vong difoc thd'y nhitng cuon

sdch mdi ve "xd giao-tdi 1'tng xi(". Do Id nhu can cua

thai dai, Id khdt vong mo rdng giao htn, bdi dodn tdu

thai dai da tien vao kenh thdi gian vd khong gian mdi.

Kenh mdi nay trdi ddi vo tdn, dodn tdu cftng m(on tdi

vo tdn, khong gian giao Itfu cua con ngifdi cung keo ddi

vo tdn. Diiu nay lam thay doi quan ni&m giao tiSp vd

tdp qudn ngon ngit tntdc ddy cila chiing ta. Bdi vdy

chung ta phdi luon thich i'(ng, luon hoc tdp; vi nhitng

kien thi'tc vi "xd giao-tdi ling xi(" luon mdi, nin cdc

6 «• G110 TI it 1 W 0 N G IHINJl V fl T fl I IJ N G X i

sdch ve linh vitc nay alng cdn thitdng xuyen ddi mdi.

Trifdc mat ban la cuon "Giao tiep thong minh vd tdi

ting xti". Ten sdch gian di, khdng to ve, Id nhitng Idi

noi dang de chting ta xem xet. "Khong gian song cua

ban Id mot tit tntdng Ion, ne'u ban khdng thu hut ngudi

ta, ngifdi ta se thu but ban...".

"Quan he giao tiep ngdy nay khong the hien sit

cqnh tranh, chi cd cqnh tranh chxnh ddng mdi kit noi

duoc mdi quan he tot dep. Nhitng cqnh tranh chinh

ddng khong cd nghia la chdn chi hat bot, bao sao lam

vdy. Phdi biet rdng. "Qua thdt thd ciing la khong sang

suot". Xd hoi dang ti&n len, quan niem vd phitong

thifc ket ban cua moi ngifdi ciing thay doi. Cdi gi la

"nidi giao tinh thdn thief, "the' ndo Id ban chi cot?", ai

la "ddng chi", ai Id "cdnh ta?". Quan niem gid tri ban

he dd ddn ddn thay doi. Nhitng Idi noi thdt trong sdch

ciing thdt thd chdn thifc nhif ten sdch. Ldi noi thdt dd

tqo difoc cam nhdn mdi, cot cdch mdi, thdt ddng doc.

Hay xem phdn "tdi noi ndng " trong sdch - bien tdi noi

ndng tbdnh giotig dieu, dem giong dieu ket noi vdi cdi

tdi, vdn may. Dung Id mdt diSu "mdi". "Giotig dieu cd

the mang dSn tien tdi vd vdn may". Dd khdng phdi la

edit noi khudn sdo, no khdng nhitng khien ngifdi ta

phdi tin, md con la mot ly le mdi. Tdi khdng dam nhieu

L d I KOI Dfl 1) ~» 7

/d7, xin de ban doc phdn xet. Doc d£n cho ndo thdy

tuyet, ban se cam nhdn sdu xa. Ban ditng qnen hay

ciing nghi&n ci(u udi chitng tdi, nghien ci'tu nhitng dnh

lita loe len tit sit va chqm giita "xd giao" vdi van may,

nghien citu "tdi noi ndng" nhtfdoa hoa ham tieu dang

nay nd trong noi tdm.

"Xd giao" vd "tdi noi ndng" cdn ditoc hoc hoi

thitdng xuyen de thitdng xuyen cam nhdn ditac cdi mdi.

Chuc ban may mdn vd thdnh cong!

CIA 0 11{P 1410 H C (IIIN II V fl I j I U N G X l)

DChdiL kil l i)d td i k(Ui

Nguai co tai an noi bao gia ciing la nguai tdi hoa

Nu ci/cfi khien long da thanh than

Co ngi/di quan niem rang, trong thdi dai ngay

nay con ngifdi nen di tim nhufng niem vui, su" hutng

thu. Ngu"c(i ta khong ngan ngai nghi moi each lap

ky luc. Ho xem xet su" vat dutfi cap mat hai h.\idc va

qua giao tiep vdi ngifcfi khac, hp nhan duoc niem

vui bat ngd dong thdi cung mang lai hiing thu cho

ngtfcri khac.

Du ban la ngu"di hieu biet rong, gioi chuyen

mon, thi cung khong co nghia la ban se thu hut

di/oc ngUdi khac tim den hoi han hoac cong tac vdfi

ban. Ai cung muon ket ban vol ngUdi luon luon tao

ra cam gi^c mdi la. Do la nhufng ngifdi du dang mai

me cong viec cung khong quen van dung each noi

di dom de trao doi ban bac chuyen mon vdi dong

su" Dieu nay gop phan lam cho cong viec cua ho

dien ra troi chay, suon se hefn, quan he vdi mpi

( 41 If ff IK : I - f 9

ngifdi xung quanh hoa nhap hern. V i vay ban hay

suy nghi tim mot phucfng thufc giao tiep vui tUcfi

thoai mai.

Neu mot ai do co tai an noi, chua han da dupe

mpi ngifdi ham mo, ma can them vao do mot tarn

long cdi md ho hdi, th i mdi that sU mang lai niem

vui lau ben va sau s&c cho ngifdi tiep chuyen. Mot

y ttfdng thong thoang co the tang them phan gia

t ri cho san pham khai thac, con mot tarn hon thanh

than se giup ngUdi ta nay ra nhdng ggi md mdi,

lam cho cuoc song trd nen phong phu, y nghia hon.

Thong thifdng khong thieu ke hpm minh mudn

duoc ngUdi ta tan thifdng, da to ra qua hang hai sot

sfing, trd thanh ke cd chap gan dd, bi ngifdi ta xem

thiidng, loai ngUdi do rat de danh mat tinh ban, kh i

vda mdi nhen nhdm.

Chung ta deu biet, mot so co gai qua ndng voi

trong chuyen chong con, da vo tinh de tuot mat

nhieu chang trai, cd nhufng cd SEIC nifdc huong trdi

co sure hap dan, nhe ra viec lay chong d§ nhif trd

ban tay, nhifng chi vi qua nong vdi ma hoa ra xdi

hong bong khong.

Trong kha nhieu trifdng hefp, khi ta to ra qua if

them khat dieu gi do, th i thudng khdng ducfc thda

10 GIAOTliPTHOflCmiNUYflTJilflllGXtf

man, neu de 16 cho ngUdi khac biet minh khat khao

:hay bong ve mot thd nao do, th i se het sufc nguy

tiiem, hoac to ra quan tarn qua mufc can thiet ddi

vdi mot viec ma ngudi khac dang lam se khien

ngUdi ta dam ra nghi ngd, canh giac cho rang anh

zo y do md am sinh ra khuynh hudng de chdng

iioac ngan khong cho ban dat dupe dieu mong

muon. Do cung la mot net thuoc ve ban nang cua

;on ngUdi la hay phong xa.

Neu khong gay cho ngudi khac an tuong ve

tham vong qua 16 lieu cua ban, thi ddi khi ngutfi ta

lai danh gia ban la con ngu*di qua that tha khd dai,

^ i the khien ban cam chac that bai.

Lai co nhufng ngudi luon luon lo lang rang moi

agUdi khong Ua minh, the la vd hinh trung gay cho

ngudi khac cam nhan la ngUdi do hoan toan mat tu

i n , the hoa ra la tu lam hai minh. Vi vay tot nhat

lay song cho thanh than vo tu, tam trang luon

;hoai mai, hoa nha, hay song va giao tiep het minh

vdi moi ngUdi xung quanh, hay hoc each luon luon

n im cudi, khi tren mdi ban nd nu cUdi co nghla la

;rong long ban khdng h i gem mot chut lo au, phien

lao. Nu cudi khien long nhe nhom, khien ngUdi

thac cho rang ban la con ngudi het sufc tu ton, nu

(41 If If NC: I 11

cudi hiia hen rang moi viec se ket thuc tot dep

diing nhu ban mong muoh.

Trong cudc song nen cd gang gitf duoc nu cudi

tren moi, nhung khdng co nghia la song mot each

hdi hot, khdng tan tarn vdi cong viec. Phai vui ve

luon luon, lam viec cham chi, can trong, co nhu vay

t h i nu cudi mdi phat huy tdi da cong nang va thu

dugc hieu qua nhu mong mudn.

Cho du thdi budi nao, th i each song khdn ngoan

nhat la thudng xuyen ddng d gdc do mot ngUdi

ngoai cudc de danh gia tham dinh ban than minh

mot each hoan toan khach quan, hoan toan lanh

lung. Ngoai ra nen de y den phan dng cua ddi

phucmg de dieu khien tinh cam cua minh, co nghia

la luon gianh quyen chu dong trong qua trinh giao

luu. Neu ren luyen dupe ban Hnh nhu the, thi tai an

ndi cua ban se lUu loat troi chay nhu boi trong nUdc

va vdn giao tiep cung se ngay cang phong phu hon.

An tuTcfng qua lan gap qd dau tien

Lan gap gd dau tien dirge danh gia la vo cung

quan trong. Neu lan dau ra mat ma an ndi khong

trdi chay th i muoh cdu van tinh the se phai dau tu

1 2

«- 51 AO T U' P TJlONC OlIO Vfl Tfll llHC X li

rat nhieu cong sufc ma chua chac da an nham gi. Vi

vay lan dau ra mat nhat thiet khong dugc an noi

qua quit cho xong chuyen. Vay the nao goi la tu gidi

thieu ve minh?

Viec Mu tien la mim cudi. Net mat tufcri cudi se

khien cho ngudi tiep chuyen cam thay am ap chan

tinh, do la yeu to tao dung bau khdng kh i hoa hop

va than ai.

Sau nu cudi ra mat se la tiet muc t u gidi thieu

"Toi ten la...". Khi gidi thieu phai lam noi bat

trong diem, gia su vi khong nghe rd ma ddi

phuong goi nham ten ban, thi chac han se dUa ban

vao tinh the khd xd, gay ra khong kh i kho chiu,

k h i tu gidi thieu khong nhdng phai ndi nang mach

lac ro rang, tot nhat la kem them phan giai thich,

vi du toi ho "Vuong" chd vUdng nay nam trong td

"vuong qudc", nhu vay se tao ra an tugng dam net

cho ddi phuong.

Mot diem khac khong kem phan quan trong la

khong nhdng bat ddi phuong phai chu y den ten hp

cua minh, ma ban con hp cua ddi phuong. Nhd ra

ban goi nham ten ngUdi ta, se lam cho ngudi dd het

sdc that vong va nghl rang dd la mot cd chi that 11

khdng the nao cdu van dupe.

(JIM IK: | -> 13

Co each gi de nhd difcrc ten ho cua ngtfdi ddi

thoai? Tot nhat la kiem cd de xUng ho ngay lap tdc,

goi ducfc ten ho ngUdi ta ra se ho trp" cho tri nhd

ciia ban. Sau dd trong qua trinh giao tiep cung

ddng quen lau lau lai goi ten cua ho, de cho ngUdi

dd cam thay ban rat ton trong ho, than thiet gan

gui ddi vdi ho, do la chat xuc tac de cho cudc trao

ddi duom sdc thai tinh cam than tinh, do cung la

bi quyet cua nhdng ngUdi gioi giao tiep, rat dang

dupe hoc tap.

K h i giao tiep nhtfng cau noi mang tinh chat le

tiet tdn xung, neu nhd sU dung khong hop ly, th i

se la dieu gay can nhat, chang qua nhufng cau ton

xUng dd chi thuoc pham tru xa giao thdi. Vi du kh i

ban mudn nhd ai dd lam hp minh viec gi th i chd

quen sd dung td ngd "xin, nhd"; kh i goi ngUdi be

tren hoac hon tudi, th i chd goi ten trong khong ma

phai dat sau chd ngai, ong, nhat la chao hoi cha

me cua ngiidi ddi thoai th i nhat nhat phai xUng ho

la "bac", "cd", da nan neu noi "bo cau", "me cau"

cung chang lam sao, nhiing trong lan dau ra mdt

ma an noi nhu" the qua la khong hop. Mudn difpc

ngiidi ddi danh gia ban la ngUdi cd giao due, cd van

hoa th i hay chu y Idi an tieng noi trong lan dau

giao tiep.

12 <- GlflO II IP TII0 M C III IN U Vfl Tfll ll IK X ll

rat nhieu cong sufc ma chUa chac da an nham gi. V i

vay lan dau ra mat nhat thiet khong dupe an noi

qua quit cho xong chuyen. Vay the nao goi la tif gidi

thieu ve minh?

Viec dau tien la mim cudi. Net mat tuoi cudi se

khien cho ngUdi tiep chuyen cam thay am ap chan

tinh, dd la yeu to tao dung bau khdng kh i hoa hap

va than ai.

Sau nu cudi ra mat se la tiet muc tif gidi thieu

"Toi ten la...". Kh i gidi thieu phai lam ndi bat

trong diem, gia sd vi khong nghe rd ma ddi

phuong goi nham ten ban, th i chac han se dua ban

vao tinh the khd xd, gay ra khong kh i kho chiu,

khi tu gidi thieu khong nhdng phai ndi nang mach

lac ro rang, tot nhat la kem them phan giai thich,

vi du toi ho "Vuong" chd vUOng nay nam trong td

"vUdng qudc", nhu vay se tao ra an tUcfng dam net

cho ddi phuong.

Mot diem khac khdng kem phan quan trong la

khdng nhdng bat ddi phUdng phai chu y den ten ho

cua minh, ma ban con ho cua ddi phucfng. Nhd ra

ban goi nham ten ngifdi ta, se lam cho ngifdi dd het

sdc that vong va nghi rang dd la mot cd chi that l i

khdng the nao cdu van duoc.