CATCHING FIRE Part 4 pps

unthinkable. Why did it take him being whipped within an inch of his life

to see it?

Because I'm selfish. I'm a coward. I'm the kind of girl who, when she

might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who

couldn't follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods

today.

No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does.

You saved Peeta, I think weakly.

But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in

District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die.

I rest my head forward on the edge of the table, overcome with loathing

for myself. Wishing I had died in the arena. Wishing Seneca Crane had

blown me to bits the way President Snow said he should have when I held

out the berries.

The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful of

poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be

shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them

out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if

I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. The trouble is,

I don't know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment.

Could it be the people in the districts are right? That it was an act of

rebellion, even if it was an unconscious one? Because, deep down, I must

know it isn't enough to keep myself, or my family, or my friends alive by

running away. Even if I could. It wouldn't fix anything. It wouldn't stop

people from being hurt the way Gale was today.

Life in District 12 isn't really so different from life in the arena. At some

point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants

you dead. The hard thing is finding the courage to do it. Well, it's not hard

for Gale. He was born a rebel. I'm the one making an escape plan.

“I'm so sorry,” I whisper. I lean forward and kiss him.

His eyelashes flutter and he looks at me through a haze of opiates. “Hey,

Catnip.”

“Hey, Gale,” I say.

“Thought you'd be gone by now,” he says.

My choices are simple. I can die like quarry in the woods or I can die

here beside Gale. “I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here and

cause all kinds of trouble.”

“Me, too,” Gale says. He just manages a smile before the drugs pull him

back under.